Reality doesn’t matter, perception does

Are your thoughts making your life easier or harder?

Jan 02, 2025

The other day I was riding shotgun with my mom. We were behind a car at an intersection, waiting to turn right on a green light. From my seat, I could see a family walking along the crosswalk. After a few long seconds, my mom got frustrated at the car in front of us for not moving and said, "What the heck are they doing?!" I quickly explained there were people crossing the street, just in time to stop her from laying her hovering hand on the horn, saving myself from melting into a puddle of embarrassment on the floor. Phew. It was a small moment, but I've been thinking about this interaction ever since.

Reality doesn’t really matter. It’s our perception and interpretation of it that shapes absolutely everything—from the way we think, to the actions we take, to the doors of opportunity that open for us. Two people can be in the exact same situation, but have completely different experiences based on their own point of view—whether that’s a different seat in the same car or opting to view life through a completely different internal belief system.

The great news is, it’s all in our control. We have the ability to shift the way we approach and internalize the world at any moment simply by deciding to open our minds to a different point of view.

A few months ago, I was trapped in a scarcity mindset. Everything I did came from a place of lack. Every mediocre date convinced me all the good men were gone. Every LinkedIn layoff announcement fed my fear that opportunities were diminishing. I was living in a reality of my own making, where scarcity was the only truth I could see. I woke up in fear. I lived in lack. I clung to each mediocre experience I could find, assuming it would be the best I’d ever get.

I quickly realized: What you assume, you experience.

Whether your assumptions are true or not doesn't matter because either way, you're going to move forward believing them and acting accordingly. If you assume mass layoffs mean you’ll never stand out in a crowded job market or earn another dollar, you're not just being pessimistic—you're actively closing your mind to possibilities and trapping yourself in a world where scarcity has you in a chokehold.

When you’re in this state, you can’t create new opportunities for yourself. You’re sitting in the car assuming the road ahead is a dead end instead of driving forward to find out for yourself or turning off onto a new street to see what else you’ll find. You cannot create an expansive and authentic life when every thought stems from a place of lack, insecurity, or fear.

When I realized this, I sunk myself into a ton of books (like… eleven) on mindset and manifestation. Things like The Artist’s Way, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, and Don’t Believe Everything You Think. I wanted to brainwash myself into a new perspective. And it worked. After a few months of consistent reading—paired with other things like writing my Morning Pages and prioritizing my relationship with self—my “fake it ‘til you make it” attitude finally hit and I felt a true shift.

I began to actually step into the mindset of the version of me who is reaching her highest potential. The one who has already hit her finance, wellness, and personal goals. Now, have I achieved these things yet? No, not at all. But choosing to adopt her mindset on life is changing the decisions I make on a daily basis, thus laying the foundation for her to exist. I began by replacing the things that made me feel small with ones that make me feel empowered.

Would she wake up in ragged pajamas she hates? No. So I replaced them. Would she settle for a malfunctioning milk steamer to make her beloved matcha lattes? No, so we upgraded. Would she spend 30 minutes on each flight finessing the aux cord juuuust right so her shitty 8-year-old headphones might play even half the Delta Inflight Entertainment audio? Absolutely not. So we invested in a Bose pair and haven't taken them off since.

The reality is, she doesn't exist yet. But I'm living with the assumption that she does. And in doing so, I'm shaping my life into something more expansive, imaginative, and abundant—one she could actually see herself living in.

They say perception is reality, and while I've never had a fucking clue who "they" really is, I do know they're right. If you assume someone is thinking poorly of you, you're going to act like it's true. Meanwhile, more than likely, they're not thinking about you at all. Or they forgot to text you back. Or they too are a whole ass human being with their own life, and maybe they're currently dancing in their garage to Kylie Minogue waiting for a pizza to be delivered while you sit around thinking they hate you. Nah babe, they're just dancing in the front seat of their own life. And you could be too.